How do your butt wiping techniques and habits compare? 

There are many different styles, techniques and variations that an individual could use for wiping their ass after making. It’s way past due that we set down some universal ground rules, because the room for error in this field is larger than you’d think. This is important, so pay attention.

First things first; you wipe until you’re done. This may sound like a no-brainer, but I’ve heard of, and even met, some people who believe in a set number of swipes and they’re done. They just stand up and leave, regardless of their posterior’s status. I cannot stress this point enough; YOU WIPE UNTIL THERE’S NOTHING LEFT. You may ace it and take only one wipe, or it may take you 50, but your job is only complete once you wipe and see that nothing remains.

Now that the basics are out of the way, here comes the tricky part: the wiping technique. Let’s break down some of the more popular ones. For starters, there’s The Stand. I would estimate that nearly 50% of people I speak to about the subject admit to standing upright to wipe. This blows my mind. The goal is to keep the butt cheeks spread as wide open as possible during the whole process as to keep things neat and avoid any unwanted squishing. Standing, in my opinion, does just that — It smashes everything together, making it one big, awful mess to clean up.

Read more: Bro Bible